About the capability

　　The new semester begins.The first lesson is mathemetical economics. A little confused but still can understand. The real strike is the advanced econometrics I took afternoon. Those metrix and theorem make me only can write down them in the notebook without anyunderstanding. Sweater around my forehead and stomach sunk to the buttom.Until the half of the lesson I came to myself a little bit. Maybe I can do much better when I took that lesson a second time. Tomorrow we will take the lesson about Karl Marx's Capital. I just spent a hour read half of the very short introduction series on him. Hoping I can deal with that lesson better than today.

 

 　　I even doubt myself for really fitting to take the academic career with interest regardless my capability,which troubled me since the afternoon.Then at evening I did a weird search to find out peers of the competition I took at high school.They used to be my rivals in sense and beat me at that time. I found out most of us not as good as we thought we would. Some of my peers,though they all qulified for the exam-free to college, turn out only in some unkown institution and dim. There once was a moment we may thought we really something. But maybe that is not right for everyone . Even not right for me . But I will persist.

 

　　When in the class, I also thought something about the memory. It turn out someone much beautiful in memory than in reality.I thought of a theory which I can't rememer when and where have read said we always reconstruct our memory to adjust the need and the reality. Never believe what you remeber and what you thought.

Stata and 296 pages of literature

　　Using computer to view those papers is a burden. The LCD screen still makes my eyes very uncomfortable. So I printed them. I hope today can read them through.

The supervisor

As I said on my status of renren,there will be opportunities when in adversity. Today I met my supervisor. In any way I can said that I am lucky to get a good supervisor. The assistant professor is so nice that she will find the literatures for me which best for my level. This is a so personal trainning plan in any sense. I think what I should do next except the gratefulness for my new supervisor and the ex-supervisor's recommendation much more should be try my best to reach my destination. There also is stress. Those phd-level class is much difficult than the class I took before. Literatures always seems impossible to finish. The GRE exam is coming soon. All these things get together really makes me a little down. At this time I don't expect to talk to people, don't want to have lot of conversation.All I hope is a extremely quite environment for my reading and memory. That wouldn't be hard.

a new journey

  　　A week had past since I came back to my campus. I met the new guys and got a fresh schedule for the coming semester. The feeling of nervous full of my mind. The new roommates and classmates all have lots of strength. For the first time, I have a feeling that I maybe can not beat those guy in any way.

 

        Something unlucky also happens. For the regulations of schoole has changed, I have to choose another supervisor for my master life.Though I can thought many silverside of this thing,such as I still can ask questions and get advices from the teacher I choose, I can better prepare for my GRE or something. I still uncomfortable for this experience.Why me ? Those reason such as I am much familiar with my Uni and have a better chance to be accepted by other professors can smooth me in surface rather than inside.

 

        Still I find something special for the next two years. First I really got some classmates intersteted in academic, then I met the teachers and found them are much better than the bachelor class.The most important thing of all , I regain the interest in international trade . There are a long time I confused for what is the beaty of economics , especially international economics and half of it? All of my effort focus those much more tanglible such as human behavior or the law analysis.

 

       From now I will try to type something about my life and thoughs in english. That is a tough task for me and I know my englist need a big improvement to communicate with englisth speaker. I will try.